Monday, March 29, 2010

Meniere's is not my friend

I haven't posted in a long time. Mainly I have been wallowing in self pity. Try it sometime. It won't get you anywhere, but, hey, everyone needs to wallow. I actually like that word. Wallow. It sounds like something birds say when they are congregating in a park. Wallowallowallowallow. C'mon. You know you want to say it.

Anyhoo...Meniere's disease is changing my life. Not because I am allowing it to. It just is. It's unavoidable. In the past 30 years, scientists have not advanced the treatment at all. Nobody knows what causes it. Each person reacts differently. Some people have it severely or mildly. Some people experience it in one ear. Some in both. Some people stay dizzy, throw up, lose their hearing, and suffer from depression. Some experience mildly annoying symptoms. Predictions are impossible.

My doctor - the third one I consulted - told me that patients who have an attack or episode experience the same level of depression as terminal cancer patients with less than one month to live. Fabulous.

I am in a funk. Every day I discover things Meniere's is taking from me. I don't want to be this person, though, who wallows in self-pity. I don't want to let the disease change who I am. I just don't know what to do.

For now, I will wallow. With a Klondike bar and a bowl of popcorn. And Squeaks in my lap.